HOE? This List Allegedly Reveals Every Famous Man LINDSAY LOHAN Has Ever Had Sex With

Lindsay Lohan may not have worked too much in the past, say, decade, but she has apparently been werkin'. Go girl! Sex positive!
At least that much can be deduced from In Touch Weekly's latest issue, which claims this is a list made by Lindsay naming 36 of her famous lovers:

Continue reading after the break.....

The list, which was jotted down on what appears to be a Scattergories playing card, was made while LiLo and her friends were staying at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, In Touch claims. The names that are blurred out are assumed to be "for legal reasons."

In Touch Weekly also says that the list "could rock several Hollywood relationships to the core."Potentially (probably?) unrelated, but in a preview for her reality show Lindsay, Lindsay asks her father, "Do you want me to start naming names? It pisses me off when you do, to start naming names. But you do that. You name names. It's wrong." Unless Michael Lohan was the "friends" she made this list with at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, she doesn't seem to have too big of a moral problem naming names. Or this story is fake.
Which leads us to our big question: How likely are each these rumored hookups? We analyzed every potential lover (gross word choice, In Touch Weekly), now come with us on this tour of Lindsay Lohan's supposed little black book:

Joaquin Phoenix: Lindsay and "J.Pheonix" (hey, you don't have to know how to spell someone's name to allegedly sleep with them) were rumored to have dated in 2006. The report came from an unreliable source and didn't get much attention. Then, in 2010, they may have been spotted at club Voyeur together. Would we be surprised? No.

Lukas Haas: In 2009, Lindsay reportedly hung out with Leonardo DiCaprio and his best friend Lukas Haas at Voyeur (are you sensing a pattern?), and attended an after-party at Leo's house. Rumors circulated that she might be dating Leo, to which Lohan apparently told Gossip Cop, "Hahahaha. You couldn't be more wrong." No one asked about Leonardo's best friend. Would we be surprised? No.

Paul Charles "P.C." Valmorbida: Lindsay and P.C. (a "photographer-turned-entrepreneur") both attended a retrospective for painter Richard Hambleton in 2011. At the time, Lindsay had been linked to P.C.'s brother, Andy. Andy told The New York Times, "I was photographer with [her]. But we weren't dating." Again, no one asked about P.C. Would we be surprised? No.

Evan Peters: These two know each other?! Would we be surprised? Yes.

Wilmer Valderrama: Lindsay and Wilmer dated for "like a year and a half" in 2004. On Howard Stern's radio show in 2006, Wilmer discussed their sex life in great detail. He added that her boobs are real. Classy. Would we be surprised? No.

Nico Tortorella: Lindsay and Nico are old friends (and she calls him just that: a friend). They go all the way back to at least 2011 (here they are at Six Flags Magic Mountain). Recently, Nico has appeared in many of her Instagrams, including this fake proposal. Would we be surprised? No.

Jamie Dornan: And before he was Christian Grey too! In 2006, Jamie was rumored to have had a "fling" with Lindsay. The two were spotted holding hands. Jamie's rep tells E! News, "We don't comment on our client's personal lives." Would we be surprised? Not really? 

Zac Efron: Lindsay and Zac both sprung forth from the loins of Disney, but surprisingly were never linked. Until now! They have certainly run into each other multiple times, like when she presented him with the Breakthrough Performance Award at the 2008 MTV Movie Awards (it was for Hairspray). At his Charlie St. Cloud premiere, he said she is "the best." Would we be surprised? Again, not really? 

Jamie Burke: Who? He is a singer and fashion model who once dated Kate Moss. The two supposedly dated in 2006 (this was circa Just My Luck) and were spotted kissing. Would we be surprised? No.

Colin Farrell: Lindsay and Colin were spotted partying together a number of times in 2004. In response to In Touch Weekly's story, Colin's rep said they "ignore gossip older than nine years old." Which…isn't really denying it? Would we be surprised? No.

Justin Timberlake: Hmm. In 2009, Lindsay and Justin were allegedly both at Avenue Lounge in New York and afterwards Lindsay tweeted (then deleted) "where's jb cheater?" (JB = Jessica Biel, Timberlake's girlfriend at the time). Seems odd that she would narc on herself, so we're perplexed by this one. Would we be surprised? Kind of. 

Heath Ledger: According to Lindsay's mother, Dina, Lindsay and Heath were secretly dating when he died in 2008, though Lindsay would only say he was "a really good friend." On the anniversary of his death, she tweeted "rip HL forever in mine and 'matty's' heart (s) xxL," which many assuming "matty" was Heath's daughter, Matilda. Would we be surprised? We're not commenting on this one.

Ryan Rottman: Rottman supposed dated Brittany Snow from 2008 to 2010 and Victoria Justice from 2011 to 2013. Nowhere in that timeline was he rumored to have even been spotted with Lindsay. The closest the two are linked is in the comments section of a TMZ article on Ryan's DUI, where someone asked, "Did he get the same judge as Lindsay Lohan?" Still, would we be surprised? No.

Max George: There was a stretch of time in late 2012 through 2013 where Lindsay was more or less a The Wanted groupie. Specifically, she seemed to have her eyes on Max George (and at the time she was even accused of assaulting a woman in a club over him). Max later said they had a "little" snog. Whatever that means. His rep tells sources, "We won't be commenting on this." Would we be surprised? No.

 

Guy Berryman: He's the bassist for Coldplay. Lindsay may have "followed him around all weekend" at Lollapalooza 2011. And she may have been turned away when she tried to get backstage (she says she wasn't). Would we be surprised? No.

James Franco: In This Is the End, James Franco jokes, "I f--ked Lindsay Lohan at the Chateau Marmont. She kept knocking on my door, she was high. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. I said, ‘Just call me your prince of Persia.' If this is true, we hope that is not true. Would we be surprised? No.

Adam Levine: Lindsay supposedly briefly dated Adam Levine at one point. But really, who hasn't at least briefly dated Adam Levine? Would we be surprised? No.

Garrett Hedlund: Lindsay and Garrett costarred in Georgia Rule together in 2007. Hedlund's rep says, "I told In Touch that was completely not true and they chose to run it anyway. They worked in a film together. That's it. So annoying!"  Would we be surprised? No.